I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
