You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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