she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
