We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
