dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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