after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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