we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
