he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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