I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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