im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize