He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
