M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
