My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize