my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
