Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
