Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
