i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
