im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
