YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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