you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
