I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I currently don't understand fingers.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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