Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
