Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
