it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
