fuck your aforementioned shoe
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
