i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
