Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
