Pappa wants mamma naked
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
