Just fell off a train. Bad.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i now understand why vodka
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