I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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