I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
