I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
