it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
