So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
