I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
