as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
