Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Farmville is her only friend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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