I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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