I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
tell me about the eggs
Randomize