I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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