He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
