On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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