sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
