He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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