Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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