You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize