we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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