I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am naked and annoyed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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