Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
