Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
