I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
