My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize