You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
