I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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