Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
