hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dear god my vagina.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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