Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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