I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
