he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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