I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He did a backflip because drugs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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