weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
