So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
