It's Friday. Sex?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
