3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize