Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize