the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
