My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We have started to decorate penises.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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