so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
